"Boyd, take over!"

A long time ago, in a childhood far, far away,
there was a time when I played football.

Seize the Dog

Boomer has seizures. I first noticed them when, at age five, he suddenly appeared possessed. Daddy’s Special Buddy, my golden mutt, was having a heart attack, or about to see a little alien burst from his gut, like in the Sigourney Weaver movie.

To the vet, we went, my friend Linda driving, me in the backseat with Boomer, singing, “Nothing’s gonna harm you (Not While I’m Around)” from Sweeney Todd. His song.

A few hours—and one hefty vet bill—later, Boomer was back to normal, as if nothing had happened, as if Daddy hadn’t been traumatized out of his mind.

Football Player or Cheerleader?

Back in the 80s, I was on a college football field many a Saturday afternoons come autumn. Now in the 21st century, I'm here to tell the world: College Football Players: Lighten Up on Your Gay Teammates!

Blissful Ignorance

How do I tell my dog that his best buddy Max is no longer with us?

Do I look at him with a sad face and say, "Max. Gone."

Do I let him go on in blissful ignorance?

I suppose he'll know soon enough. The moment we step inside my mother's house, he'll go sniffing around for her dog, wondering why Max wasn't waiting on the other side of the door, barking up a storm.

Boomer's tail will be wagging in circles, happy to see his Granny, but he's bound to be confused why he's not seeing "Granny and Max," as he's heard me say countless times.

Down But Not Out

"America can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history ..."

—President Barack Obama
May, 2011

Yell Leader Splits Pants Before Season Opener

September 12, 1981. I’m a sophomore at USC, warming up in the end zone of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum before the season opener, Tennessee vs. USC, my first-ever football game as a USC yell leader.

Although I had been a yell leader for the basketball team during freshman year, football at the University of Southern California was something different altogether. This was the biggest stage, the school’s raison d’etre, so it seemed at times. For goodness sake, this was Marcus Allen’s Heisman Trophy year!

God: All in the Mind

"God is like a mind. A great, powerful, super-intelligent mind.

The mind is the only thing that exists in the entire universe. There is nothing else outside this mind. The mind is all there is and knows it is All There Is, therefore the mind knows it is all-powerful and can be anything.

But what is there to be? There is nothing because there is nothing else. There is only the mind and the darkness inside.

"Go make something of yourselves, so that I may know what my mind is capable of."

But the mind wants to know more about itself than the mere fact that it is All There Is, so the mind summons up all its power and explodes into an infinite number of pieces that are off in search of whatever the mind can think of and create, all so that the mind may know itself and what it is capable of.

The mind called these pieces energy. And the mind told the energies:

‘Go make something of yourselves, so that I may know what my mind is capable of; and what I am capable of, so that, by separating myself into pieces, I may know myself, and myself in relation to another form of me, which is merely a reflection of myself, the mind, God.’"

—from Walt Loves the Bearcat
by Randy Boyd
A Lambda Literary Award Finalist for Best Romance

"Warm-spirited ... resonates with soulful queries into the nature of love and life." Bay Area Reporter

Of Men and Earrings

My 22-year-old cousin wears an earring. His grandmother asked him why.

“I dunno,” was his response.

Why, men wear earrings to feel pretty, I could have told him.

In the latter part of the last century, women began taking more control over their lives and men began doing things previously reserved for young ladies out to catch a man: earrings, getting one’s hair-did, fancy jells and perfumes, excuse me, colognes.

Cover boys acting like Covergirls. Fashion statements that state: somebody declared this fashionable and I’m into fashion! Don’t I look pretty? Don’t I smell pretty?

Men who are man enough to admit to having sex with other men need to come up with new terms to describe themselves because heterosexual-identified men who wear earrings and cover up the scent of a man with fancy concoctions in a bottle have given new meaning to words like “gay” and “queer.”

Yes, you all look pretty. Very, very pretty.

The Emperor Has No Debt Crisis

What if this summer’s blockbuster event—the Debt Ceiling Debate—was the crisis that wasn’t? What if the threat of weapons of mass debt are just as non-existent as Saddam's weapons of mass destruction?

Why do most economists say another stimulus is needed, not spending cuts? Makes you wonder, especially after checking out two stories from Time Magazine and the PBS Newshour.

The Five-Year Plan

When my dog Boomer turned ten years of age in 2008, we made a deal.

Negotiations were tough but fair. We both had demands; we both made concessions. It was all about finding common ground, focusing on the things we agreed on, our similarities rather than our differences.

When it was all over, a deal was struck between myself and the golden mutt I’d raised since he was a six-month-old puppy.

The deal was rather simple: Been together ten years, so far. Another five years, then we’ll re-access and re-up our relationship, providing, of course, we can come to terms again.

Most likely, those future negotiations will once again focus on the type of food I feed him (mine vs. his), the amount of treats he gets, and the number of times “it’s playtime!”

Those are the things that cause our differences of opinion and therefore, stress in our relationship. Mind you, that stress in minimal, compared to the rest of our lives; but the experts say: communication is the most crucial thing in a relationship.

Which is exactly why we came up with the five-year plan. It helps us know where we’re going, where we’ve been, and best of all, it helps us realize: although we may not be around one another forever, we’ve still got a few more years together, as long as we stick to the plan.